My friends, they love my intelligence
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
