I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
