Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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