im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
