We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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