I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
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At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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