Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
