sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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