Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
