She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
