It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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