I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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