the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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