Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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