Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
