I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He shit in the fireplace
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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