Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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