i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
