stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we made out on top of his cat.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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