Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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