hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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