I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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