feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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