Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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