windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
