can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
