Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
