May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
