My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm too high and old for this...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
