Can i not drive my cunt home
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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