i jhust puked up my retainher.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
