4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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