They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
