just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
