We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
