Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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