Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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