I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
