Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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