This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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