I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
