Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
