i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
