ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
