I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
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You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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