We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
