Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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