apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
