i need an iv and a liver transplant
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
