We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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