I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
