I feel great
I just peed on a car
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
