we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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