the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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