cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i came on her dog
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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