One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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