its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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