You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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