i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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