I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
