his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
