Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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