I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
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Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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