my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
